Domestic violence against men – The silent suffering behind closed doors

Those who think of domestic violence or domestic violence usually think of violence against women first. This shapes the public debate, the media coverage and often the first reaction in the personal environment. But domestic violence can affect anyone — including men.

Many men experience violence in their own relationship or marriage. They are beaten, scratched, threatened, controlled, humiliated or pressured. Some experience massive psychological violence, constant accusations, intimidation or threats in connection with children together. And yet many sufferers do not talk about it.

Not because it would be harmless. But because they know how quickly their situation is misunderstood. A man who says, “My wife beats me” or “I can’t stand it at home anymore” often encounters not understanding, but doubts. Many hear the question unspokenly: Why does he not resist? Why doesn't he just leave? Why does he let that happen to him?

These very questions show how few male victims of domestic violence are often seen.

When shame, worry and fear come together

For many affected men, not only the violence itself is burdensome. Especially serious is the feeling of being alone with your own situation. Men should be strong, stay calm, maintain control. Anyone who becomes a victim as a man does not fit into this social picture.

Many affected people are therefore beginning to downplay the incidents. They say, “It wasn’t that bad.” “She was overwhelmed.” “I should have reacted differently.” “If I go to the police, nobody believes me anyway.”

These thoughts are understandable. They often arise from shame, loyalty, concern for the children or fear of the consequences of a breakup. But they do not change the fact that violence is not acceptable.

No one has to be beaten, threatened, controlled or humiliated – not even as a man.

House violence against men has many faces

Domestic violence is not just the one visible blow. Men in particular often experience forms of violence that are difficult to explain to the outside world. These include, for example:

• Striking, kicking, scratching, biting or throwing objects
• Threats, intimidations and aggressive outbreaks
• Control of mobile phone, contacts or whereabouts
• Constant devaluation, humiliation and psychological pressure
• Threatening false accusations
• Threat to prevent contact with children
• Stalking after separation or spatial distance
• Destruction of personal property
• Provocations later to be used against the man

Particularly stressful for many men is the fear of standing as perpetrators in an emergency. Those who try to protect themselves, distance themselves or end an escalation often fear that the situation will be interpreted against them.

This is precisely why it is important to seek legal advice at an early stage before the situation further escalates.

Why men often wait too long

Many men only seek help when the situation has already escalated. This is humanly understandable. Those in the middle of a burdensome relationship rarely think of evidence, motions, or legal action first. Often it is only a matter of getting through everyday life somehow.

In addition, men often do not have a clear idea of what rights they have. Many do not know that they can also apply for protection under the Violence Protection Act. Many do not know that a woman can also be expelled from the apartment. Many do not know that they do not have to be seriously injured before they can seek help.

And many are simply afraid of not being taken seriously.

This is where legal support is important. A domestic attorney can classify the situation soberly, prepare the next steps and help avoid mistakes. For affected men, it is often relieving when someone does not evaluate the situation, but first listens, sorts and protects.

Lawyer Household: Discreet help in a sensitive situation

Domestic violence against men is rarely just a single incident. Often several topics are in the room at the same time: criminal charges, protection against violence, common housing, separation, dealing with the children, false accusations or police measures.

An experienced domestic violence attorney will consider in particular:

• What legal steps are immediately necessary
• What evidence should be secured
• Whether a criminal complaint makes sense
• Whether an application can be made under the Violence Protection Act
• Whether a lodging or a contact ban is possible
• How to deal with police, prosecutor or family court
• How the person concerned can protect against false accusations
• What consequences for children, contact and custody must be observed

Men in particular benefit from developing a clear strategy early on. Not out of actionism, but so that they no longer just have to react.

What rights do men have in domestic violence?

Men have the same rights as women in domestic violence. The Violence Protection Act protects not only women, but every injured person. What matters is not gender, but violence, threat or unreasonable burden.

Affected men can therefore take legal protection measures.

1. Police call in case of acute danger

If there is an acute threat, the police should be called. This also applies if the person concerned is concerned that the situation could be misunderstood.

Physical attacks, threats, coercion, stalking or property damage can be crimes. Depending on the situation, the police can take protective measures, such as a deportation or a return ban.

It is important: Affected men should describe as calmly and objectively as possible what has happened. Injuries, damaged items, messages or witnesses should be named immediately.

2. Criminal complaint for domestic violence

In the event of physical violence, threat, reenactment or other crimes, criminal charges may be filed. An advertisement should be well prepared, especially if counter-accusations are already to be expected.

Helpful are:

• Photos of Injuries
• Medical certificates
• Chat histories, emails and voice messages
• Call lists
• Photos of damaged objects
• Memory logs with date, time and expiration
• Witnesses from family, neighbourhood or circle of friends

A lawyer for domestic criminal law can check in advance how the facts are to be classified legally and which steps are useful.

3. Apply for a protection order under the Violence Protection Act

The family court may issue protection orders. These include in particular:

• Contact prohibition
• Proximity ban
• Prohibition of entry
• Communication ban
• Prohibition to approach the home, workplace or certain places

Men can also make such requests. You don’t have to wait until the situation gets completely out of control.

4. Applying for housing provision

If both partners live in a common apartment, the transfer of the apartment can be requested under certain conditions. This means that the violent person has to leave the apartment so that the affected person is protected.

This request is also open to men. Anyone who experiences violence does not automatically have to take off himself just because he is a man.

5. Considering the consequences of family law

If joint children are affected, special care should be taken. Many men remain in a stressful situation for a long time because of the children. They want to give the children stability, do not trigger an escalation or do not endanger contact.

That is understandable. At the same time, witnessed domestic violence can also be distressing for children.

Therefore, it should be examined at an early stage which family law steps are useful and how contact with the children can be protected.

Affected men should not take off ill-considered, make no hasty concessions and make important agreements if possible not only verbally.

Domestic violence and false accusations

A particularly sensitive issue is false or excessive accusations. Especially in separation and custody conflicts, men experience again and again that accusations of violence are used strategically.

Those who are themselves victims of violence and at the same time fear being portrayed as perpetrators are in an extremely burdensome situation. In such cases, it is especially important not to react hastily from the emotion.

Those affected should not make ill-considered statements to the police or authorities, but seek advice from a lawyer at an early stage. A good defense and protection strategy often starts with clean documentation, clear communication and legal classification.

This does not mean questioning real victims. It means that each case must be carefully considered — especially when statement is against statement.

Take Men Seriously as Victims

Making men visible as victims of domestic violence takes nothing away from anyone. It does not mean relativizing violence against women. It only means looking where those affected have often been silent.

A man who experiences violence does not have to be ashamed of it. He doesn’t have to prove to be “male enough.” He doesn’t have to wait until something worse happens. And he does not have to accept that his situation is taken less seriously.

Domestic violence is wrong. Even if the victim is a man.

Lawyer House Force: Legal Help for Men in Difficult Relationship Situations

If you as a man are affected by domestic violence, are threatened, experience psychological violence or are afraid of false accusations, you should seek legal help early on.

I advise you discreetly, objectively and without prejudice. Together we check which steps are useful in your situation – whether criminal charges, protection orders, transfer of residence, defense against false accusations or family protection.

You don’t have to sort out your situation alone. And you don’t have to justify seeking protection.